Too many women fall into the habit of doing and doing and doing—making the plans, smoothing the arguments, offering the kindness, extending the understanding. After a while they’re tired. But by then they’ve invested so much effort that walking away feels like admitting all that work was wasted.

Then I thought about other things in life we wish we could tell our younger selves.  I can see 30-year-old me so clearly — busy, determined, and already harder on herself than anyone else would ever dare to be. If I could sit with her for just a minute, long enough for a cup of coffee and a deep breath, here’s what I’d want her to hear.