Squirreling Through the Trees, and Other Thoughts on AI

Originally published June 30, 2025

How a little artificial intelligence helped me reclaim my words, rebuild my focus, and stop jumping from tree to tree.

From the effects of chemo to the frustrations of lost words, this personal essay explores how tools like ChatGPT became unlikely allies in restoring clarity and confidence. It’s a lighthearted yet honest look at the intersection of healing and technology.

I didn’t set out to write about chemotherapy. I set out to write about clarity — and the surprising tools that helped me get it back.

In August 2019, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I don’t want to go into the whole ordeal here — but I did go through chemotherapy, and that’s the beginning of this story.

Chemotherapy doesn’t just kill cancer cells. It also damages healthy cells — some of them just caught in the crossfire. When those months of poisoning were over, I was cancer free. But I felt like I had lost 40 IQ points.

Growing up, I loved math. In fourth grade, we learned the Binary and Octal number systems. Most of the class struggled to grasp them, but they made sense to me. I got it. During the summer after seventh grade, I worked through nearly half of my father’s college algebra course — not because I had to, but because I found it challenging and interesting.

Years later, when I attended the U.S. Navy’s Basic Electricity & Electronics course, I worked every formula by hand — with pencil and paper. While many of the other students used calculators, I solved the problems manually and kept pace. That wasn’t about proving anything; it was just how I did things. I liked math.

That’s who I was. So, imagine the devastation when, just a month after chemo, I sat in a restaurant and couldn’t remember how to calculate a 20% tip — or even how to open the calculator on my phone. It was humiliating. It was devastating.

And it wasn’t just math. Words failed me, too.

As a child, I was a prolific writer. I won poetry contests. I had a vocabulary well beyond my age and loved using it. That didn’t change as an adult. But after chemo, I would have a thought in my head and not be able to find the words to express it. I’d begin a sentence and stall out mid-way, grasping for words I knew — but couldn’t reach. This didn’t happen occasionally. It happened in every sentence I tried to speak.

It was frustrating. It was exhausting. It felt like I was watching pieces of myself drift just out of reach.

But I wasn’t ready to give up on my brain.

I started researching what kinds of games or apps could help restore language skills and memory recall. It was clear to me that the synapses in my brain weren’t firing like they used to. The branches were broken, and I had to grow them back. I downloaded games that focused on logic, vocabulary, and mental math, and I made a habit of playing them every morning — for half an hour — before doing anything else.

Regaining what I’d lost wasn’t a matter of waiting — it was a matter of rebuilding. And like any rebuilding project, I found myself reaching for tools. AI has helped me tremendously — specifically, ChatGPT and similar programs.

When I’m stuck for a word, I don’t have to sit there in frustration anymore. I can describe what I’m trying to say, leave a blank, or even put a note in parentheses asking for help — and then move on. Later, I’ll come back and ask AI to help me find the right word. It uses context to offer suggestions, and most of the time it comes up with exactly what I was trying to think of but couldn’t quite reach.

And if it doesn’t get it on the first try? No problem. It keeps offering more ideas, and more ideas, until — Eureka! — the word appears. What was trapped in my brain finally makes it to the page. That’s a victory that never stops feeling good.

This brings me to what I really wanted to talk about: AI in general — and ChatGPT-type programs specifically.

They’ve helped me in more ways than one — including the most ordinary kind of research…My husband uses it all the time. No more opening a browser and sifting through pages of results, ads, videos, and unrelated links just to find one solid answer. Now you can just ask AI the question — and get what you’re looking for.

For example, the other day I wanted to know, “What essential oils are best for repelling mosquitoes?” I could’ve Googled it and gotten a flood of blog posts, product ads, and “ultimate guide” articles. But instead, I asked ChatGPT and got a simple, clear answer: lemon eucalyptus, citronella, lavender, peppermint, tea tree, geranium, and clove — along with how and when to use them.

Straight to the point, and it matched what I already suspected.

I’ve come across quite a few articles recently outlining reasons not to use AI. Some of the arguments make sense. Others, I’m not so sure about.

One point I agree with completely: students should not be using AI to do their homework. That’s cheating — plain and simple. It’s no different than having another student do the assignment or sneaking a look at the answer key on the teacher’s desk. The whole point of school is to learn, and you’re not learning if software is doing the work for you. The only exception I’d make is for courses about AI — then yes, obviously, use the tool you’re learning about.

Another common criticism I’ve read is that AI sounds inauthentic — that it doesn’t speak the way humans do. Some of these articles even list words and phrases as examples. But here’s the thing: when I read those, I thought, “I speak like that!” So maybe I’m not the average human. Well… I know I’m not the average human.

My husband, on the other hand, agrees with that criticism. He says the suggestions sometimes don’t sound like him, so he uses them as a starting point — and then revises them until they do. It’s still his voice, just with a little help.

The other day, I took one of those YouTube quizzes I love — this one was about Old English words. Fifty questions, each with three choices for what the word might mean. I only got 37 right (not as good as I’d hoped), but here’s what struck me: I’ve used about ten of those words recently. In my thoughts, in conversation, even in song. I don’t think of them as “Old English.” They’re just part of how I think and speak. So, if AI sometimes sounds like that — then I guess it sounds like me.

Another point I saw was about punctuation. Apparently, one particular AI tool is known for its fondness — if a software can have a fondness (or perhaps its designers do) — for dashes. Excessive dashes. I don’t see the problem. I like dashes. I like the way they look. And when I’m being silly, I even like using that squiggly dash — “~” — because it’s cute.

But here’s what I’ve noticed: AI seems to avoid semicolons. I, on the other hand, love semicolons; I think they deserve a comeback; and soon.

And one more thing I’ve come to appreciate: AI helps keep me from squirreling.

You know what I mean — jumping from thought to thought, limb to limb, tree to tree, until I’ve completely lost track of the original point. My brain loves to wander. It’s full of interesting connections, but sometimes those connections take me far off course.

AI gently brings me back.

At the end of each section, it nudges me with a quiet little question. It doesn’t actually say this, of course — but it might as well: “Are you ready to build a fence around this pasture, or do you want to keep jumping through the trees?”

It’s a reminder that I was making a point — and maybe it’s time to land the thought before flying off again.

So yes, I see that there are situations where AI isn’t the best thing — like students using it to do their schoolwork. That’s not what it’s for. But I’m not trying to write the next great novel here. I’m just trying to get my thoughts down on paper — so to speak. And because of recent events, that’s been more difficult than it used to be. So, I’m using a tool to help me.

These are still my thoughts. ChatGPT isn’t generating ideas for me — I don’t believe that’s possible. (Yet!)

I’m not trying to win a Pulitzer. I’m just trying to find my words — and thanks to a few digital tools, I’m finding them again.

And yes, I use a calculator now, too.